[Rhett & Link talking:]
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Hey
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Whatcha doing?
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Driving, whatcha doing?
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Driving and texting..
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Hmmm. Are you sure you should be doing that?
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[Link:]
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Yes, because. I'm a textpert
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An expert at texting
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Rejecting the notion that you think I'll be wrecking
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Due to the fact that I'm distracted?!
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I multi-task best behind the wheel when I get textually active
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YOU should keep both eyes on the road, sir. For real
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You'll look down, look up and end up in the trunk of another automobile
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Leave it to a pro. Be incommunicado
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Until you get to where you need to go, this conversation's O. Ver
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[Rhett & Link talking:]
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No it isn't?
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Yes it is
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No it isn't!
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[Rhett:]
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Cause I'm a textpert! An expert at texting
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Pressing, my keypad when my car's not resting
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I can divide my attention up
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I got so much attention, I've got an eleven-tion
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With one eye on the road; one eye on my phone
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I texted-in this drive-thru order for my latte and scone
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Thank you
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Now I'm-n-a text-n-eat-n-sip-n-dip and shift
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It in to D and then chin-drive home
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[Hook: Rhett & Link:]
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I'm a textpert
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A textin' traveler who doesn't need a chauffeur-eur-eur-eur-eur
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I'm a textpert
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Don't worry, nobody's gonna get hurt-urt-urt-urt-urt
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[Link:]
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Sometimes I text both sides of a conversation
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Cause it's tough to keep up with my text-ual pacing
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On rare occasion, when I've got nothing to text about
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I text myself reminders of what I'm doing now
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[Rhett:]
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I carry on, more concurrent conversations
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Than one phone alone is prone to accept
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So, I've
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Tested and perfected my patented method:
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The second handset hands-free toe text
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[Link:]
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I ride with my Swedish Masseuse
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She gimme deep tissue thumb shiatzu
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[Rhett:]
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My yogi shows me hand yoga poses, like:
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Downward Facing Pinky and Thumb Lotus
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[Link:]
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I'll never stoop so low, as to text photos
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Instead I text the correct combo of 1's and 0's
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[Rhett:]
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I'm an artiste! Using ASCII!
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I just texted this toad to an art gallery
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[Link:]
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I text more, than the next bored pre-pubescent tween!
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In fact I've text-induced my own second puberty!
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[Rhett:]
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How does that work exactly?
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[Link:]
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Everything that happened before is happening some more
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That's all I'm comfortable sharing at this time...
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[Rhett:]
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I gave a lift to a drifter!
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And texted his estranged sister
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And now I'm hostin' em here for dinner!
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[Link:]
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Well did I mention I'm a text-itrician?
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A next-gen OB/GYN, a Lamaze text-nician
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[Rhett:]
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Well, I'm the next Dr. Phil of SMS
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[Link:]
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I'm poppin' out babies with the power of text!
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[Hook]
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[Rhett and Link talking:]
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By the way, where're you headed son?
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Headed West on 421
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421?
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Uh-huh
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West?!
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Yes. You?
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Me? I'm headed...
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[CRASH]
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"If you're texting, you're not driving."
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-----------------
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I'm A Textpert (Rap Battle)
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| Rhett & Link |
